Write On Wednesdays Exercise 20 - Write the words " I thought I saw" at the top of your page. Set a timer for 5 minutes. Write the first words that come into your head after the prompt. Don't take you pen off the page (or fingers off the keyboard). Stop only when the buzzer rings! Do this exercise over and over if you wish. Write beyond 5 minutes if you like, you can link it up as an extra post.
I thought I saw a flash of lightning. Quick and jagged, piercing the ebony night like a rip in the fabric of the sky. My hands drummed nervously on the wheel as the rain began to come down. First slowly, then heating up fast like a salsa dance. My foot eased off the gas pedal and I frantically turned the dial of the radio, searching for a distraction. I hated lightning. Thunder boomed a bass note and the trees stood out, tall and unforgiving against the greenish black light of the tempest. Now the bass of the thunder was echoed by the thumping bass on the radio. The car's windshield wipers kept time, an odd tempo. I jiggled in my seat and swung around a narrow corner. Perhaps I was going too fast, but I wanted away from the storm and the night and the terrors I am sure were awaiting me. The steering wheel was now as wet as the car with beads of sweat from my fingers. Suddenly, a truck loomed before me, lights blinding and wheels skidding. I screamed in perfect time with the song, but for a very different reason, as my hands came off the wheel to cover my face. Lightning raced across the torn fabric of the sky as the rain poured down. The storm was in full swing.
Well, that's what I have for this week. I enjoyed another five minute stream, because it gave me enough time to get my scene warmed up, yet not enough to let me stop and think about what to do next. I like the hurry, because it forces my ideas to come more quickly. Last week's prompt went very well, and I received a lot of wonderful feedback. Thank you so much for the time you put in to read mine, and I try to read most of yours...
Claire
Very poetic words. I love the vivid description, and anticipation. Very nice.
ReplyDeleteThere's some extremely gripping imagery here!
ReplyDeleteI especially love the phrase "like a rip in the fabric of the sky" --that's a very powerful string of words--, and I like that you used the ripped-fabric-of-the-sky idea again at the end.
Another bit that caught my attention was where the windshield wipers were keeping the tempo to the strange symphony of the thunder, the wipers and the radio. You managed to meld those three seemingly incompatible sounds into a synchronised theme.
One note: I believe you were going too fast, not going to fast, since spending a day without eating after a gut-wrenching storm would be a very odd thing to do. ;)
/ Rain
I like the pace you have going here. It fits well with the scene. :)
ReplyDeleteI loved the way the storm, the radio and the windscreen wipers all worked together in unison adding to the tension.
ReplyDeleteI almost felt I should read this at speed to feel the full impact of it but to do that would have meant missing some great descriptions!
Felt like I went through the storm with you, the story had a great rhythm, I like your fingers doing the salsa.
ReplyDeleteYou caught my attention from the very beginning. I could feel the storm brewing as well as the character's mind racing. Great imagery in this piece!
ReplyDeleteI pictured every sentence in my mind as my eyes read your words. Great descriptions. I also liked the pace, adding to the tension of the piece. I think you've captured a common fear in a realistic scenario.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you-lightning is scary! (but for me, it's more the thunder)
ReplyDeleteGreat descriptions of the storm and your fear of lightning! It was a great story! The only thing I saw that confused me was your line "First slowly, then heating up fast like a salsa dance." I couldn't tell if that was the speed of your fingers moving, or the fury of the rain coming down. But that's just me... Otherwise it was phenomenal.
ReplyDeleteThanks for all your comments. As for the line about the salsa dance, I guess I did make that rather unclear...I meant for it to describe the rain, but I think it could work for either...
ReplyDeleteThe flow of this piece was perfection. Really enjoyed reading it! The second sentence was especially beautiful to me.
ReplyDeleteI love a good storm! Though I prefer not to be driving at the time! I love when the windshield wipers are in time with the music I have on in the car as I'm driving so could really relate to that.
ReplyDeleteYes, powerful imagery and pace for the weather.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed that - but wanted to know what was going to happen with the truck!
Thanks for your visit to me and like your new vege's - goes with your poem a few posts up!
Wow, I was just about breathless! I could seriously feel the panic... must be because that'e the way I feel driving in storms and heavy rain. Hate it. And your description is so realistic. Great piece!
ReplyDeleteGreat descriptions that flowed together in a way that produced a building tension. Wonderful piece of writing you could feel the fear.
ReplyDeleteLoved the image of the lightening cutting through the fabric of the sky - very powerful phrase. The idea of the rain quickening like a salsa dance was also well done. What a lovely little stream of consciousness piece. You produced some lovely sentences!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful, tense writing. I had a slightly different interpretation! lol.
ReplyDeleteI thought she could feel something from the air... dread, or cosmic fate communicated from a source greater than herself. It commanded the skies, the airways... the timing of her wiper blades. The shared tempo thing was all fantastic. I'd like to think the last lightning strike was the flash of impact of her hitting the truck... an abrupt move into another realm. Perhaps she interpreted it as her greater fear - lightning. Oh I do go on, don't I. ;) ...aww but I loved it! :D
The only teeny thing [for me] was that I struggled to stay in the scene with the salsa dance analogy - if it meant the rain. However, your other descriptions were perfect! With "Thunder boomed a bass note", it was still thunder I heard, I just had a richer idea of what it sounded like.
On another note, I just scrolled back to reread something in your story and thought, "Wow, I don't remember it being so short!!" You have crafted a very powerful story succinctly! Well done. :)